Seems so simple
by McFrenchy
Summary: What if Mer knew about Addisson since day 1? A story which doesn't stick to the show. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

She is sitting on the bed on and smiles slightly at him. He makes a pace toward her and her smile grows. So, he makes few more paces toward her to be in front of her. She stands up to face and they lock their eyes. They stare at each other for thirty seconds before Derek raises his hands toward her face and leans toward her. She smiles bigger before being carried away by the feeling of his breath on her face and only be able to shiver. His lips finally meet hers and it feels like a choc for both of them. They don't get how they did to go through mouths without this sensation. Right now, kissing, they feel plenty, full with happiness and love. Meredith starts undressing him, first his jacket, in witch he looked so gorgeous that she had pain to concentrate during their dinner, then his shirt, the famous red one. While she does so, Derek put her on the bed and makes her straps fall on her shoulders with his hands and kisses her neck and her naked cleavage. She gasps lightly under his mouth and turns on her side for him to unzip her dress. They can't wait anymore to get rid of their clothes. Once he made the dress slips to her ankle to fall on the floor, she undoes his belt and takes him off his pants. He climbs completely on the bed to straddle her and lets her off her bra before taking care of her panties. As well she pulls off on his boxer and makes him come closer to her.

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They wake up with the sun first rays. Derek opens his eyes first and is pleased to find Meredith in his arms, he almost forget the sensation of waking with someone he loves near him, if he ever knew it. Meredith wakes up not too long after him because they forget to close the curtain yesterday night, too busy to think about this kind of details. As she blinks the sees Derek face looking at her. She can't believe she is waking up in his arms. She blinks again and rubs her eyes to make sure it is true. And yes, there he is smiling at her and asking her how she slept. She eventually opens wholly her eyes to see him plainly and grins back at him.

"So, you're gonna answer me or keep staring at me", Derek says.

"I don't know, maybe the two both."

"I'm okay for the staring, I know I'm too irresistible for you to take your eyes off of me. Now the answer."

She laughs lightly before adding "You'll have to repeat your question if you want an answer."

"I knew you weren't listening", he said pouting.

"As you said I was staring", she replies while climbing on top of him to look in his eyes closer.

"Ready for another round" he asks her as he gives her a devilish smile.

"Definitely" she whispers before kissing his mouth deeply.

Meredith and Derek had been restraining their desire for so long but last night they gave up. You know this thing when you become friend with someone and get along so well that you think the other person may read in your mind, they had it. Since the first second their minds had been connected to each others. They were laughing to the same things, liking the same novels, crying on the same movies, or just enjoying to hang out in the same places. As they were working into the same hospital they had to spend more time together and everyday they were amazed to discover more of what they have in common. Everyone at work thought they had an affair, which weren't true… since yesterday.

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One day they were commenting about a movie they both saw and as they argued they realized how much they enjoyed being with each other, even when they didn't agree, they still get each other opinion and respect it. As they realized their special connection they kissed. This kiss was amazing, the better they ever had; soft and deep, tender and passionate at the same time. They forget the world this way for few minutes but then had to come back on earth, where he was a married man and she was an engaged woman. They pulled off of their embrace and tacitly agreed to forget about this misconduct. They never talked about it again for months and tried to avoid seeing each other in private places. Since this moment they always had been an awkward sensation between them when they find them alone. They tended to avoid each other gazes when they felt the tension increase. But yesterday they weren't able to do that, they had been too much teasing between them and they couldn't handle it anymore. Derek's wife was at a conference for few days while Meredith's fiancé was in his family for the week. They hadn't planned it, it just happened. Life gave them this one opportunity to be together and they took it. Was it wrong? Sure. But at the same time it felt so good, why?

As usual they went to a see a movie together and after went to a restaurant to eat Italian, their favorite food. But this day they looked unusually over-dressed and acted more awkwardly then ever with each other. Somehow they knew what was going to happen and felt guilty to crave it so much.

Before, they didn't used to be this way. They never cheated on someone even if they were attracted to another person. But the truth is they never yearned for someone else like this before. They thought they knew what love was but the minute they saw each other they knew they were wrong. They discovered this feeling for the first time together. This feeling brought them over the edge, turning upside down their quiet lives.

And now they are in bed together, cuddling after their busy night, not caring about anyone else than the two of them and smiling numbly to the ceiling.

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"I'm getting a divorce; I'm definitely getting a divorce Meredith"

"You're crazy"

"Yes, because of you", he replies grinning.

"And I'm crazy", she says seriously before letting his happiness reach her.

"Let's be crazy together, let this week never end", and with this words he leans toward her to kiss her goodnight.

They had spend a week together living as they really were a couple and it broke their hearts to have to part now that the week was ending and that their significant others were coming back home. They had wake up to each other everyday for 7 days and were becoming to get used to. They had learned more about their little habits and enjoyed playing the married couple. He wanted to be the one who makes her her coffee every morning and she wanted to be the one who serves him his muesli at every breakfast he will have. They enjoyed every seconds of their week, as they were the last ones. They didn't talk about what happened when real life would catch them up. They didn't want to think about "after", it would have made them less happy. During their alone time they just shut down their phones to not be disturb and concentrate plainly on each other. All they wanted was to seize the moment. But now the moment is over.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hi darling, how was your week? I barely spoke to you on the phone, you must have been pretty busy."

"Yes I was. Sorry I didn't call you a lot. Was your conference okay?", Derek asks her.

"Usually conferences are boring but this one was pretty interesting actually."

"Glad to hear that."

"And I have a good news", she replies with a big smile on her face.

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"I'm sorry, really. It's not that I don't want to, but now everything is different…"

"I guess it is", she says walking away.

He looks at her heartbroken. How his life had changed in one minute threaten him. One minute he was happy and about to ask a divorce to his wife and live with the woman he loves, and the next one he is stuck with his wife for life and about to become a father. Life is playing tricks to him and he isn't sure if he'll be able to handle them. Since Meredith came to work with him his marriage has been starting to disintegrate. They had been some issues between Addisson and him before, but they always managed to solve them. They used to be married and in love or at least they thought they were. But when he met Meredith he started to not be able anymore to care about his wife the way he should. They slowly parted from each other; she had her own practice while he worked at the hospital and they spent less time together. Then he started hang out with Meredith. And then he started avoiding her. They ended up to live together but barely see each other.

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"We shouldn't…"

"Yes."

"I mean it."

"Do you want me to stop?"

"Yes."

He pulls away and looks at her. She opens her eyes, surprised that he actually stopped what he was doing.

"I don't know…, maybe not"

He doesn't give her time to change her mind again and puts back his mouth on neck then raises it to her mouth to make her quiet.

They are both unsatisfied with the situation but also unable to stop it. They tried to stay apart, to not spend so much time with each other anymore for not being tempted, but they failed. Once they tasted it there was not turning back.

So they sneaked, every moment they could take they took it. They sneaked at work or with work, to give them some alone time. Stopping it is now impossible, but being together too. This make them freak out when they have time to think and see how their lives are messed.

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Meredith is waking up and it is hard for her to open her eyes. She isn't still used to her new home. It seems empty to her and she has pain to live in, this apartment already reminds her too many bad memories even if she only lives in for a month. So much happened in so little time and it is hard for her to believe who she is now.

She climbs down her bed, puts her slippers on and goes to the kitchen. She makes her coffee and tries to focus on what this new day is going to bring her. She is going to go to the hospital and work with her new peers now that her leave of absence was over. She feels happy to go back to the hospital and busy her mind with other things than her own problems. She already thought to much this last week, alone in her apartment. To be frank her mind has been so busy that she still has a headache. But today she decides she will focus only on her job. She missed a week and will have to catch up with the other interns. Surgery his hardcore, you can't leave to long or someone will take your place just because you weren't there at the good time. Life is all about timing. She lets herself think about what her life could have been if she had had another timing, she does that fairly often and it always leaves her more sad then she was. She knows she should stop but she isn't really sure she wants to. Dreams are all she has now.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you for reading and commenting and don't worry I have nothing against Addisson. I appreciate every characters of grey's anatomy in different ways so there will be no bashing. I just plan some drama that I hope you won't figure out until it comes. I hope you'll enjoy it. Anyway send me reviews, good or bad I need them. Good reading.**_

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"Back to work already?", says Cristina.

"Yep, I missed the lack of sleep and the crappy food", replies Meredith

"You're weird, you know that."

"Yes, but you too. You wouldn't survive for a week without getting in an OR."

"I get your point."

Cristina is the only friend that Meredith has made in New-York. She didn't have time to go out and meet people since she arrived. She only knows her fellow interns with whom she is okay, but out of them there is only Cristina who gets her. They have the same sarcastic humor and way to envisage life. And Cristina doesn't ask too many question witch suits to Meredith perfectly. She isn't in a mood to answer the questions all the people around her keep asking her as "Why did you move in New-York?", "Why do you seem so sad all the time?", or "Where does your family live?".

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When she came in New-York she thought she would be able to start over a new life. She wanted to forget about Derek and Seattle. She wanted to stop the mess that had come into her life. She knew if she had stay they never would have been able to stop what they had started. They worked at the same place and knowing that he was there not to far away from her stopped her to work correctly. She only had one thought finding him and be with him. So she called her mother's old friend who happened to be the chief of surgery at one of the best hospital in New-York to see if there was a possibility for her to be transferred. Fortunately for her he agreed to take her in his internship program. She didn't tell Derek she would leave, she knew he would try to convince her not to and she didn't want him to make her stay. This situation wasn't one which could last for long.

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Derek is a wreck since Meredith left. He still can't believe she just left. Sure, he knows perfectly why; and maybe she was right. But he misses her so much that it hurts. He knows she needed space to forget him, them. He perfectly knows that he made his choice and that it hurt her. He saw her face, the week before she left, when she saw Addisson's belly which had started to show. He read her sadness and felt just as sad as her. He should be happy to know he will have a baby, but he isn't; this baby fells like a millstone around his neck that links him to a woman he doesn't love anymore for the rest of his life.

He is in a state of total confusion, sometimes he thinks he should go find her and leave his wife and baby here, and sometimes he tells himself he will forget her and maybe fall back for his wife because soon they will be a family. She has been gone for a month but to him it seems like years. He misses not being able to see her smile everyday or to have those special talks, in which they used to share they thoughts and opinions about the world that spin to fast around them.

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"What are you doing here?"

"I didn't know where you live so I decided to try to find you at your work."

"If you don't know where I live there's a reason Derek."

"I'm sorry Meredith, I didn't wanted it to turn that way."

"I know, me neither."

"Could we just have a talk over a coffee?"

"I don't think it's a good idea Derek, and my shift doesn't end before another 5 hours."

"So I'll come back in 5 hours."

"Derek."

"What?"

"Don't. Please."

"I really need to talk with you, I didn't travel to New-York to let you push me away so easily. See you in 5 hours."

He doesn't give her the time to reply and passes the doors of the hospital before she can open her mouth to object.

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This month put her through hell and she promised herself not to see Derek ever again. She just isn't able to look at him anymore without feeling in pain. So seeing him few minutes ago made lots of emotions rush into her. She goes discretely in a closet and cries, she cries all the tears she has until there is not more water for her eyes to shed. She stays there maybe half an hour, until Cristina comes to find her.

"Bailey is mad at you, she paged you and you didn't reply. You'd better have a good reason."

"Sorry, I needed some time."

"Are you crying?"

"Not anymore."

"One day you'll have to tell me why you're reacting so oddly sometimes. Seriously."

"Yeah, one day."

"Anyway I'll find out, sooner or later."

She stands up and follows Cristina promising herself to find a way to escape Derek.


	4. Chapter 4

Meredith managed to avoid Derek by leaving work early. She had the chance that the hospital wasn't too busy today, and considering the fact she was still recovering, Bailey, her resident, let her got home earlier.

She had planned to go to a bar with Cristina tonight. She needed to go out of the hospital or her apartment.

She is sitting on a stool next to Cristina. They are talking about their day at the hospital. The barman is coming toward them.

"I'll take a beer."

"And for me a tequila please."

"I thought you didn't drink."

"Things change."

"I saw a guy waiting for you in the hall after you left today."

"Oh."

"He said you told him to come get you at 8."

"I didn't."

"So why was he there?"

"I don't wanna talk about it."

"Okay, but I'm pretty sure it's related to the tears in the closet and the sad puppy look on your face right now. But don't worry, my mouth is shut."

"Thank you Cristina."

They spend the night drinking a glass after another and took a cab to go home. They definitely will have a hang over tomorrow, but Meredith doesn't care the tequila free her mind of Derek and that's all that matters.

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The next morning is hard to Meredith; she has a bad headache due to the tequila. She tries to hide it the better she can, but there is not a lot she can do. She knows she shouldn't drink so much and she tried to quit some times but tequila is the only way she had found to help her when she is sad. She doesn't have an affectionate family or someone she could talk with; but even if she had had it she doesn't think she would have use it, she doesn't like talking. People don't get her anyway. When she was a teenager she used to have a good friend with whom she tried one day to talk. She told her about some weird feelings she has one time and she looked at her so threaten she swore she would never talk to anyone about her feelings again. Meredith was definitely not good for relationship. Even with Andrew, her ex-fiancé, she never really talked. She was fine with him, he made her feel secure and she thought that it was what she wanted until Derek. Derek was different, with him she could talk, or almost. The year she knew Derek she nearly never had need her tequila treatment. The way he looked at her when she talked to him made her feel like she couldn't say anything wrong, she never felt in confidence like that with someone before. But she doesn't fell able to talk with him anymore, she sees him in a different way now and she can't help it.

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Meredith is walking toward the cafeteria as her phone starts to ring. She read the ID and sighs. Exactly what she needs when she has a hang-over.

"Hi."

"Hello Meredith. I'm gonna come in New-York this week, there is few things I need to discuss with you. Could you get me at the airport tomorrow morning?"

"Tomorrow? I'll see what I can do. At what time does your plane land?"

"6am."

"So I'll get you before going to the hospital."

"I'll be glad to see Richard again, how is he? He'll tell me how you're doing at the hospital. I hope you do your best, I wouldn't like you to give a bad image of the Greys in the OR."

"I know mom. I do my best. See you tomorrow."

"Okay. Goodbye Meredith."

"Bye mom."

Meredith sighs again. Her mother is coming in town to see her, just great. She will have to avoid Derek and her mother; that is going to be hard. At last her mom won't stay too long; she has always better to do somewhere else.

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"What this big sigh for?", asks Cristina as Meredith take a sit at the lunch table.

"My mother is coming to see me."

"Mothers suck", says Cristina.

"Yes, and mine is the worst."

"You never met mine."

"The Ellis Grey is coming. Woo. I'd so love to be like her", exclaims Izzy who wasn't really listening.

"Me too", George adds.

"How could you be annoyed to have Ellis Grey as a mother", says Alex.

"Okay, forget what I say" finally says Meredith.

Meredith is used to this kind of reactions; it always has been like that when she talked about her mother. People see Ellis Grey, the brilliant surgeon; but she is the only one who can see Ellis Grey the inattentionate mother who never took enough time in her schedule to take care of her daughter. She perfectly knows there is no point to try to explain it, so she prefers to give up the topic.

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Meredith has finally finished her shift, which had seemed to last at least 3 days to her. She is heading toward the front doors of the hospital when she sees Derek waiting on a seat in the hall reading a magazine. It seems he has been waiting here for a long time because he has food on the next seat and his laptop at his feet. He raises his head as she stares at him and he smiles. She walks to him, knowing that now he wouldn't tell her leave so easily. Derek closes his magazine and stands up as she comes.

"I waited for you yesterday."

"I got off work earlier. Did you spend your day here?", she says pointing the magazines and the food on the seat.

"I didn't want to miss you today. You could have waited for me." , he replies pouting a little.

"Sorry, I was tired."

Derek senses it is not the real reason but chooses to not point that out.

"Now you're free, so lets go to this little café across the street."

"Derek.", she says to stop him.

"Please Meredith; I want to talk with you. I didn't see you since too long and there is some stuff that needs to be said."

Meredith doesn't see a way to get away from him so she follows him silently and they cross the street to enter the café.


	5. Chapter 5

Derek buys them drinks while Meredith takes a seat to a table near the window. He comes to her and hand her a coffee before sitting in front of her. She takes her cup and looks briefly at him; then she looks down. He smiles gently at her and observes her posture. He sees that makes her fidgeting so he looks down too. For a while, they concentrate on their beverages to avoid looking in each others eyes; and sometimes they glimpse a look at each other. Meredith feels particularly uncomfortable which makes Derek uncomfortable too. He senses her tension and doesn't want to threaten her by being too forward. He knows how she reacts when she is scared, she runs away; and that is not what he wants to happen. Eventually, she seems to relax a little bit so he opens his mouth.

"I missed you", he says looking straight into her eyes which are traveling between her coffee and him.

She doesn't reply but lowers her head and tries to concentrate harder on the cup in her hands.

"I can't live without you Meredith. I want to choose you.", he adds to try making her look at him again. This works, she raises her head in disbelief.

"You will be a dad in few months Derek. You shouldn't even be here."

"I feel as I should be with you since I know you" ,he breathes out honestly.

"You cannot possibly envisage to live your pregnant wife, it's crazy", she replies still looking at him.

"I don't want to abandon the baby; I can still take care of it if I'm divorced. But please come back to Seattle."

"I can't come back to Seattle. And I can't let you do this. This little baby needs you."

"And I need you.", he said pleading.

Those words and the look in his eyes make her trembles lightly, so she turns her head to escape his glance for regain her posture before turning back to him.

"I don't want to be with you anymore Derek", she whispers quietly but just loud enough for him to hear.

Then she stands up on the edge of the tears and moves to leave the table.

"Goodbye Derek."

She doesn't wait for an answer and exits the café.

"Goodbye Meredith", he murmurs.

Derek doesn't get why she reacted this way but he is overwhelmed. It is now obvious she doesn't want him in her life anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

Once she passed the coffee house door she looses it and starts crying. People on the street stare at her as she walks toward the subway station. Subway, it is a thing she loathes about New-York, thousand people, who look at each other suspiciously, agglomerate in a tiny train. But now she lives here and doesn't have the choice, circulation is crappy in the city and she would never get to hospital on time if she uses a car. So there she is crying silently in a wagon while waiting to arrive in her apartment to let her sobs come freely. She hates what she has just done but she doesn't see how she could have reacted differently. She just hopes she will succeed to get over him one day. She doesn't even think about moving on, for now it is still unimaginable to her.

Eventually the train arrives to her station and she gets off. Before going home she stops to the grocery store and buys a bottle of tequila. When she reaches her apartment, she crashes on the couch with her bottle in one hand and the remote in the other. She takes a first taste of the alcohol as she zaps from channel to channel. Nothing matches her mood so she sips some more tequila, shuts down the television and lies on her back. She looks at the ceiling for a long time, now and then taking a swallow of tequila to clean her mind of her thoughts; then she falls asleep.

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She wakes at 5.30 realizing she will never be on time to pick up her mother on at the airport. She dresses up quickly and rushes outside to take a cab to be faster. She finally arrives at the airport at 6.20 and finds her mothers waiting for her at a table of some restaurant eating a breakfast.

"I hope you're not that late every day at work", Ellis says as she sees her daughter coming toward her. "And you look so tired. Did you have any sleep this night?"

"Sorry for the late. How was your flight?"

"Long and tiring, there was a little boy who didn't stop crying all the flight long. Some parents should take care better of their children."

"As you say mom."

Meredith and her mother catch a cab and stop at Meredith's for her mother to drop her luggage in. Then they go to the hospital where Ellis has decided she could come say a hello to her friend Richard and at the same time see how her daughter is handling being a doctor.

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Meredith cannot believe her mother want to stalk her like a kid. She never had trust her in her decisions and always had doubt of her capacities. When she was a little girl and she was proud of a good mark one of her teacher gave her she would show it to her mom to only be congratulated with a "this is good but it could have been better if you have done it this way". She never has been tender with her. At least she was little more loving when her father was still with them and when they were a family, but when her parents divorced her mom became colder with her; she suspects she reminds her of her father. So it is really necessary to say that Meredith and Ellis never have been close. When Meredith had a heartache or just some blues she never came to her mother. Younger, she tried to forget gloom by doing stuff that unfilled her mind and made her feel happy like running or ice skating. Then she discovered booze, first she took cocktails then she went for straight alcohol. As a teenager, she tasted all the alcohols and decided that tequila was her favorite.

And now that she feels more depress than ever, her mother is here living in her apartment for a week. She still doesn't know how she will handle her, if she will.

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Derek is still in his hotel room, he didn't move since yesterday evening. He came straight from the café to his room. He didn't feel like doing anything else, actually he didn't feel like doing anything. He even forgot to eat, lost in his thoughts, and he still doesn't feel the need to. He cannot believe Meredith doesn't want him anymore; she cannot have changed so much in New-York. In Seattle they used to be everything for each other, they were not able to spend a day without at least talking to each other. He remember how they used to call each other just to hear each other's voice, every time they where apart too long. She changed, he saw it, but how comes she changed that much in only a month. No, he doesn't want to leave New-York before figuring out why she rejects him.

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As Meredith passes her way in front of the chief office; she peeks a look by the window and spots him and her mother laughing delighted. She stops to take a better look at the scene which happens before her eyes, she never used to sees her mother so relaxed. She stares at them for few more seconds wondering what could bring this genuine smile on Ellis' face, a one she never gave to her own daughter. As she gawps intensely through the window someone puts a hand on her shoulder. This wakes her up from her thoughts and she turns around quickly to face a brown haired man with a deep hazel glance.

"Doctor Grey" the man says smiling softly at her "did you get an appointment for the MRI I asked you?"

"Doctor Barnett, I was on my way to get it" she replies still pondering about what she saw, "give me a minute and I'll come back to you with one."

He smiles and nods in approbation and she continues her route along the hallway.

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"You see that" he tells her, mentioning to the results on the screen and asking for her interpretation.

She nods and adds with a professional tone "She has rare case of tumor: a glioma hypothalamic which causes her thermoregulation and alimentation troubles and her early puberty"

"Good Doctor Grey. So what can we do?"

"We have to operate to try to remote the tumor without damaging her hypothalamus."

"Okay, you wanna scrub in?"

"Yes" she replies with a sight that makes her interlocutor tilts its head quizzically.

She smiles weakly to reassure him in her will to take part in the surgery and walks to the door of the MRI room saying she is going to prep the patient.

Every times she has to deal with neurological cases now she can't help but think about Derek. He gave her the bug for neuro. She used to get exited when she found a neuro case, partly because she found the brain and the neural system fascinating and partly because the design of working with Derek made her feel light with glee. It is foolish but now she dreads it. She still enjoy learning more about this specialty but at the same time it aches to be in an OR doing without him procedures she used to accomplish while feeling his hot breath against the skin of her neck and sometimes his large hands guiding hers. All this time, she can't help but feel like she has a phantom member which misses her insanely.

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She is at the nurse station when she sees her mother exiting the elevator. She concentrates more on her chart wishing she could be blind to her but she is already next to her.

"Meredith! I was looking for you, Richard told me you finish your shift in 30 minutes. We can go dining in a nice restaurant and have a talk."

She lifts her head from the chart "Sorry but I can't. I scrub in a craniotomy in 10 minutes."

"Good for you. I understand, job first" she replies proud to see her daughter's devotion to her work.

"Yeah."

"I'll see you when you come home."

"Okay then" she says relieved to have a reason to escape her mother.

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The operation was long and exhausting but was a success. Now Meredith is taking the elevator and as the doors fling open she heads toward the entrance of the building wondering if she should go home right away. The perspective of seeing her mother doesn't fill her with joy, so she decides she could handle a drink and leads to a bar not too far from the hospital. She never went in it before but as long as they serve tequila it will suit her.

She enters the dark room and reaches for a seat on a stool. As her gaze scans the space she recognizes a figure she knows. He notices her too. She turns her head to escape his eyes and tries to compose herself a posture, knowing already he is going to come over her. But she can't. Seeing him makes her melt and she is angry against her for that motive. While she argues with herself he finally reaches for her.

"When I saw this bar I knew you would come here after your shift" he says with the dreamy smile she likes.

"What are you doing? Stalking me?" she says trying to sound annoyed but miserably falling her shattering voice unveiling her trouble.

"Yes" he replies with confidence which destabilizes her even more.

He looks deeply in her eyes and is able to read that she misses him as much as he does. It makes him smiles with more satisfaction and allows him some hopes.

"Meredith" he says simply.

"Derek" she replies with longing.

He advances toward her to close the distance between them and raises his right hand to her cheek. She closes her eyes relaxing under his touch; then she comes back to her sense and turns her head to get away of his grasp. He raises his other hand and takes her head in his hands to stop her to run away.

"Derek. Stop it" she pleads avoiding his eyes.

He lifts her chin and forces her to look into his eyes which burn with anger before erupting "Tell me while looking into my eyes you don't love me and I'll go."

She looks shyly at him without answering to his question. She can perceive the anger and the misery melting in his eyes and it makes her tears start to fall along her cheeks. Derek senses them and his face soften with affection. He wipes them off with his thumbs then leans while his eyes travel from her eyes to her lips. He leans to her and inches his lips to hers.

"I don't" she mumbles crying more intensely.

He pulls from her, uncertain, to look into her eyes.

She is now crying loudly and the lump in her throat make it hard for her to articulate words. "I don't" she repeats hoarsely.

Now he looks at her in disbelief "You don't what?"

"I don't love you" she painfully enunciates.


	7. Chapter 7

Derek stares at her, forlorn, before turning around to exit the bar without another word.

Meredith stays on her stool unable to move and through her tears, still rolling on her cheeks, she looks at him walking away. She keeps looking at the door long after his departure. When she eventually finds the strength to take her eyes off the spot he disappeared through she turns on her seat toward the counter to order some tequila. She stays there for hours drinking shot after shot, blind to the world still spinning, until the bar empties and the bartender tells her he is going to close for tonight. She looks at him desperate, not wanting to leave her comfy stool to go home to a cold bed. Seeing her melancholy, he obligingly calls her a cab that she takes to her apartment.

She reaches her flat not without efforts, stumbling in her hallway and exploring frantically her bag to find her keys. She finally succeeds to unlock her door and staggers toward her room. She collapses on the bed, without taking care of changing in her pajamas, and she passes out instantly.

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She painfully opens her eyes to sees her mother in front of her articulating some words that it is too early to get. Ellis bends toward her with a discontented look on her face and a coffee and an aspirin in her hands. She accepts the beverage and swallows the pill before getting conscious and being able to answer few of the many questions her mother is asking her.

"What did you do yesterday? I waited for you" she says displeased while examining her daughter's features and clothes, still the same that yesterday.

"And look, you stink of alcohol at miles away. You're not a teenager anymore Meredith you should know when it's time to stop" she adds warningly.

"I had a bad day" is the only reply she can find.

"Is that a good excuse for you? Because for me it's not such a good one" she says with a wince "You should take care better of yourself Meredith."

Meredith doesn't answer that last statement. To show her she is not in such bad state she tries to stand up but feels her head spinning so much that she falls back on the bed. Ellis gives her a concerned look trying to define if she is simulating or if she is really sick. She stands up again but this time she collapses on the floor. Her mother picks her up and puts her back in her bed telling her she is going to call her sick. Meredith nods merely, and lays back in the sheets like a good child.

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Meredith slept like a lock for maybe 4 or 5 hours exhausted and reluctant to be aware of life anymore.

She is eventually waked up by the hunger and stands up successfully on her two feet. She dawdles through her apartment to the kitchen where she finds her mother sitting at the table reading some medical review. Ellis hears the sound of her dragging feet and raises her head to look at her daughter. Meredith avoids her gaze as she leads toward the fridge to find something to eat. Her mother continues to observe her motions intently before breaking the silence which has started to be awkward for both of them.

"Tell me. What was all this alcohol for?" her mother asks her on a laconic tone.

Meredith looks at her perplexedly, not used to discuss this kind of stuff with her.

"Nothing" she says directing her gaze back to the fridge to continue her research for something good to eat.

"You don't get that drunk for nothing" she states convinced there is something big behind her daughter behavior.

"It doesn't matter anymore. It's over" she adds wanting to close the topic quickly.

"It's a guy, isn't it? You should let a guy bring you down like this. Love is a blur" she tells her with some bitterness in the voice.

She turns around to face her mother and retorts defensively "It's not his fault".

"So what happened?" Ellis offers her.

"I don't wanna talk about it" she says firmly turning her eyes away from her mother's and fainting to go back to her fridge exploration.

"You prefer drowning your sorrow in booze and not being able to stand up after maybe" she replies irritated.

Meredith doesn't answer. She finally sets her choice on the cold pizza she first saw, not finding anything better. She grabs the box and heads to her room noiselessly.

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Minutes later she hears a knock on her closed door then see her mother coming toward her.

"Hey. I thought you could use some real food so I'm cooking your favorite meal: lasagna."

"Why are you doing this" Meredith asks her confused by her sudden burst of motherhood.

"Because I'm your mother."

"Then when did you start acting like it?" she splits out, out of the blue and immediately regretting it. "I'm sorry it's not what I meant" she says with a wince.

"I know what you meant" she says with a sigh "I know I have not always been there for you when you needed it, but now that you are a grown up couldn't we just make one peace with each other."

"I guess we could" she says taken aback.

"So, what messed you up like that?"

Meredith feels awkward at her question. She is not used to it and is uncomfortable being here with her mother asking her personal questions. Therefore she doesn't know if she wants to reply.

Ellis sits on the edge of the bed and takes one of her hands in hers. Meredith looks up in her mother's eyes and senses the tears coming back. She doesn't want to cry in front of her so she sniffs and swallows her tears back. Ellis notices that and rubs her hand to show her her understanding. And she looses it, for the first time in years she burst into tears in front of her mother. She lets her head falls and lays down in her lap.

She had retained too much pain since too long and it finally feels good to have someone who cares.

Ellis, a bit gauche, shudders lightly at the weight of her daughter falling on her lap. She is not used to this kind of affection demonstrations and feels uneasy with it. She looks down at her daughter who is now sobbing heavily. She gently puts her hand in her hair and strokes it softly while she cries her eyes out.

They stay in this position until Meredith's tears dry. When she realizes that she just had a breakdown she rubs her eyes and seats up.

"I still don't want to talk about it you know" she says avoiding her mother glance and trying to regain a posture.

"That's okay" she says rubbing the hand that is still in hers. "When you'll be ready tell me. I may not help, but it will lighten your heart."

"Maybe, but I'm not ready yet" she says standing up to walk to the kitchen from where a good smell had started to come.

Ellis follows her and they sit quietly in the kitchen waiting to share a meal, another thing they are not used to.

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**Thank you to review it helps me to keep going.**


	8. Chapter 8

Derek is sitting on a chair in an office waiting for his wife to come for their obstetrician appointment. She is at her seventh month now. The big day is getting closer. As he leafs through a magazine he found on the table of the waiting room, he sees a woman with a smile which reminds him Meredith's. It happens often. He still wonders why she rejected him but he is trying his best to focus on his future baby and his wife, now that he knows she doesn't want him. It might still stay a mystery so he should better be okay with it. But when he finds something reminding of her he can't help it but wonder where she is and what she is doing. He just wishes it will stop as the time will pass by. Don't we say time heal every wounds, or at least make you forget about them.

"Hey darling, sorry for the late" Addisson says a bit out of breath as she bursts in the room.

"That's okay. But you shouldn't walk to fast" he says concerned by her refusal to slow down until the baby arrival.

"I'm pregnant Derek, not sick" she playfully replies glad to see her husband's concern but a little annoyed by the way he babysits her those days.

"I know that" he tells her with a weak smile. He knows he is too much on her back lately but it helps him to cope with the guilt he feels for having cheated on her and wanted to leave her.

She doesn't know about his affair even if she had some doubts seeing the changes in his behavior this last year. She had noticed the way he avoided her and the fact that he didn't find anything to say to her when they where alone. But he had been more attentive to her since her pregnancy so she has good hopes they will find back the spark they used to have at the beginning of their marriage.

"Mrs and Mr Sheppard" the obstetrician calls them out of their thoughts.

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"How is it with your mother?" asks Cristina.

"Okay actually, but I don't see her so much."

"That's why it's okay" she quips. "Do you know why she came?"

"I think my mother has an affair with the chief" Meredith spits out relieved to say that to someone.

"Seriously!"

"I'm not sure, but there's obviously something between them."

"Didn't they used to work together?" Cristina asks her curious to learn more about the secret her friend just revealed her.

"Yes, they did their internship in the same hospital" she says feeling a shiver of disgust stealing over her at this realization.

"That's juicy" Christina exclaims raising her eyebrows.

"It means my mom is a filthy whore" she says with a sigh. "Not funny" she adds but Cristina is laughing anyway.

"A drink to forget about it tonight?"

"Definitely."

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Meredith has the bad surprise to discover that the bar where Cristina and her head to join the other interns is the one in which she met Derek. She is not keen in going into it but she goes anyway; she wouldn't be able to explain her reticence to her friends. She passes the entry hesitantly which earns her a questioningly glance from Christina. She gives her a weak smile in return and walks into the establishment. At least she will forget about it as soon as the tequila will be pour in her glass.

At the table they join Izzy, Alex and George who finished their shift earlier. The atmosphere is casual, everyone joke and laugh while the alcohol fill their glasses.

Meredith finally relaxes as she takes part of the jokes and tastes the good humor of an evening with friends.

They all enjoy their time together for few hours, drinking and laughing until it's time to go home.

Meredith is about to stand up when someone come behind her and asks her the time. She turns around and recognizes her boss Dc. Bennett.

"Hey" she says with a slight smile "It's 0.25"

"It's gonna be hard to wake up tomorrow morning" he tells her smiling and trying to catch her attention.

"Yes, I just hope I won't have a hang-over" she replies feeling a bit dizzy.

"Can I give you a ride home?" he asks her seeing that her friends don't wait for her while she's talking to him.

"No, I'm gonna share a cab with my friends"

"You mean the ones that are already leaving in a cab now" he says pointing them already outside; they obviously didn't wait for her.

She turns around to sees friends climbing in a cab. "Damp it" she says.

"I'll take that as a yes" he says raising an eyebrow.


	9. Chapter 9

Ellis is supposed to fly back to Boston tonight, and she still had not find time to talk with her daughter about what she came here to talk about. Meredith had been busy at the hospital and shunning as usual. She always had fled home when she was in there. At least, this time, she had consent to open up a little to her but after she had run away like a dear caught in the headlight. She knows Meredith resents her for her lack of presence when she was a kid and for having pushing away her father from their life. She gets that. But Meredith doesn't know everything about her. She hopes she will get her to accept her one day and soon would be good, because she will need her support.

She takes her cell phone and dials her number.

"Hi."

"Hi mom."

"I'd really like to see to you before leaving, could we eat a lunch together."

"I don't know, I'll see what I can do."

"Please Meredith. I'm leaving tonight."

"Okay, see you at noon in the hall of the hospital."

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"Okay that was really nice of you to leave me at the bar without even saying goodbye" Meredith says while she enters the lockers room where the other interns are already changed into their scrubs.

"You were in good company and beside there wasn't any room left for you in the cab so we thought…" Izzie replies.

"Cut the crap" Cristina exclaims "how is he?"

Meredith chuckles before she lets out a: "excuse me!" while they all stare at Cristina with big eyes and mouth wide opens, stunned by what she said.

"What? We all agreed that she needed a guy to cheer her up" Cristina adds when she sees that the others don't back her up.

"Thank you to feel so concerned about me but next time you have such a brilliant idea come to me first" she says slamming her locker door and leaving the room now that she is in scrubs.

She has got to learn Cristina's personality and doesn't hold it against her. Actually her frankness is the reason she likes her, but right now she is a little nettled. She goes find her resident, concentrates on something else and forgets about this tiff.

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At 12am Meredith dashes to the lobby not wanting to be late and earn one of her mother's curt comments. She has seen her mother is making some effort with her but Ellis Grey will always stay Ellis Grey.

"Hey mom."

"You're on time."

"Yep. Where are we going?"

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"We didn't have a lot of time to talk during my stay" Ellis begins once they are settled at a table in the restaurant they chose.

Meredith starts fidgeting remembering the one time they talked and her breakdown. She doesn't want her mother to remind her of those memories or ask her again about the reasons of her behavior.

"I wanted to know if you're going to stay in New-York?" Ellis asks her. "You moved so quickly and without explanation that I what wondering if it was a definitive situation"

Reassured but surprised, she stops moving, looks at her quizzically and replies defensively "You think I'll move every month".

"Don't react so snappishly. I just want to know if you're planning to go back in Seattle"

"I don't think so" she says musing on what she left in this city.

"Because I wanna sell the house" Ellis explains.

"Seriously. Why?" she replies taken out of her reflection.

"If no one will stay in Seattle there is no reason to keep it" she says matter of factly.

"Rent it" she suggests.

"Too many problems with tenants, I prefer selling it. Therefore, I want to know what you want to do with your stuff. You can tell me what you wanna keep and I'll fly it for you to New-York. I have to go in Seattle next month."

"I like this house" she says reticent to her mother idea.

"Except if you propose to move back in it I'm not gonna keep it Meredith. An empty house in Seattle is useless."

Meredith sighs, she would like to keep it; it's the house where she grew up. And also the last think that reattach her to Seattle now.

"You still don't want to tell me what make you leave Seattle so quickly and drink so much those days." She offers her feeling her reticence to let go of her souvenirs in Seattle.

"Still not" she replies trying her best to put a credible smile on her face.

They finish their meal discussing about surgery, the only thing they have in common.

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"Still mad at me?" Cristina asks Meredith as she passes near her in the hallway.

"That's okay but don't make me remember it" she replies at Cristina with a smirk.

"I'm so pissed off I didn't get in an OR today; I spend my day in the pit making all kind of stupid work that is normally reserved to the emergency's fake doctors."

"Fake doctors?" Meredith asks raising her eyebrows obviously amused by her friend's grouchy mood and the short remarks that go with.

"Yeah, a real doctor is someone who cut open, not someone who makes stitches" she explains.

"They don't only make stitches you know" Meredith says smiling at her artfulness.

"Yeah. Whatever", she replies to put an end to the conversation.

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The next day Meredith and Cristina are sitting at a table on the patio eating their lunch, after a long surgery they both assisted. Standing stand up for hours is exhausting and you never totally accommodate to it. So they are each one laying their legs on a bench while slowly chewing their meal.

"It seems like he has a thing for you" Cristina says between two mouthfuls.

"Who are you talking about?" Meredith answers numbly without raising her nose from her sandwich.

"You know whom I am talking about. Don't play the fool with me." Cristina snaps her.

Meredith rolls her eyes before consenting to reply "No, he hasn't. He just gave me a ride 'cause you abandoned me at the bar. And even if he has I'm not interested so there is nothing to talk about."

"We'll see. I'm always right with this kind of thing" she says confident.

"Maybe it's the exception that confirms the rule" she quips with a smile.

"Or maybe you're afraid that I see so well through you. Come on, you can't deny you're attracted by him" she says matter of factly.

"Cristina. Seriously, drop it. I'm not ready to commit in a relationship now", she says more seriously.

"Who talked about a relationship?" she retorts wryly

"Cristina!"

"Fine, I leave you with your denial."


	10. Chapter 10

Several months have passed and Meredith has started enjoying her life in New-York. She has found good friends who helped her to settle down in the city. And since few months she dates a nice man, a doctor of course. When you work in an hospital you have so little time to go out and meet new people that you always end up with one of you co-worker, aren't you?

She is not in love, or at least not yet, but has good hopes to build a real relationship with him. He is caring and smart. She enjoys his humor; he knows how to make her smile when she doesn't want to. He even knows how to reply to her friend Cristina who is hard to match. Plus he is really handsome which doesn't ruin the thing. He simply looks like the perfect guy for her. Sure he has some flaws, like everyone. For example, he is moody in the morning and happens to forget things that sometimes mind to her. But his qualities balance his flaws, and she is okay with them.

Now she is waiting for him to finish his surgery to celebrate their six months anniversary. She is exited at the idea of going to this new restaurant that opened few weeks ago. She craved to go there and he knew it, so he reserved 2 weeks ago. She is not supposed to know they are going there but he made the mistake to tell it to Izzie, who couldn't help it to tell her. She is still supposed to act surprised, she promised Izzie, and doesn't want to ruin his surprise.

He finally comes to meet her with a smirk wavering on his face.

"We are going somewhere special tonight" he tells her as he approaches.

"I wonder where" she playfully replies with a big smile that betrays her.

"Oh no! Izzie told you, didn't she?" he says frustrated that it isn't a surprise anymore.

"She may have let it split from her mouth" she says wincing. "But the matter is that it's our anniversary and that you bring me in that great brand new place" she adds placing a kiss on his mouth to make his smile coming back again.

"You right" he says once he parts from their kiss to lead her to his car "let's go celebrate" he adds raising one eyebrow.

She smiles and tilts her head at his comment before following him to his car.


	11. Chapter 11

It has been two years that Meredith leaves in New-York now, she cannot believe it. It seems to her that she arrived in this city yesterday. Lucas and she are still together. She is in love with him and would not imagine spending more then a day apart from him. They even have moved in together at their last anniversary. Everything is fine between them and even if they fight sometimes they always find a way to make up. They friends look at them with envy and call them "the perfect couple", that makes them laugh and reply "we're so not the perfect couple" at unison every time they hear it.

Tonight they have planned to go to the cinema with Cristina and Preston –her boyfriend. It happened that Preston and Lucas have a lot in common and like hanging out together, which fit to Cristina and Meredith. Sometimes they joke about their friendship finding them to close. Actually Cristina's favorite joke is to ask them "who does the girl?" when she thinks they start acting weird. Each time they put a face and point at each other saying "you", which never fail to make Cristina and Meredith laugh.

When she met Lucas two years ago she didn't expect to find love in him. Actually she didn't think she would see him again after their first encounter. She did meet him at the hospital; she met him at the docks.

It was in her earliest days as a New-Yorker, she was wandering on the port looking at those big boats called ferryboats. She sat on a bench pondering her decision to move in here when a man came and asked her if he could sit next to her. She agreed with a nod and a half smile and he sat. He stayed silent for a while looking straight in front of him at the ocean, just like she did. Then he turned to her and observed the way she was still fixing intently at the oscillations of the water.

"You're missing someone" he finally asked her.

She didn't turn and kept looking at an imaginary point while she answered him hesitantly "I don't know." She was surprised by his question but thought he was just trying to find a way to talk to her.

"You don't know if you missing someone or you don't know if it's a good thing to be away from him?" he asked on the same tone as his first question, naturally and without any pretension like he knew her.

She turned to face him surprised by his frankness and the perspicacity of his question. "How do you know?" she said intimidate by the way he was reading her mind.

"How do I know what?" he replied with a playful smile.

"How do you read in me?" she asked again.

"It's the way you keep looking at this imaginary point" he said with honesty looking again at the water "it's in front of you but so far at the same time. I used to do it".

She didn't stop looking at this stranger who seemed to know her so well and asked "And?"

"And it passed" he replied turning again toward her and smiling again as to demonstrate her that it wasn't that hard.

"I still don't know" she stated unsure.

"Time will give you an answer" he replied before standing up. He looked at her a last time and said "Goodbye…"

"Meredith" she said with a weak smile.

"Goodbye Meredith" he said smiling warmly "I hope you'll find what you're looking for."

"Thank you" she said still perplexed.

Then he turned around and walked away. She stayed on her bench for some more minutes thinking about her conversation with this stranger before leaving too.

She discovered few days later, when she took her post at New-York hospital, that he was a doctor too and ironically it turned out he was a surgeon, a neurosurgeon.

Meredith is walking along a hospital corridor, while she recaps in her head the souvenirs of her first encounter with Lucas. She is smiling at the chart in her hands and she doesn't see it coming when she bumps into someone at the corner of the hallway. She looks up to discover someone she didn't see in years. She fells paralyzed and difficultly articulates some words after few seconds of recovery.

"Why are you here?", she mutters.

He didn't see those eyes in years and thought he wouldn't feel the same way he used to, but he does. He fells dizzy and giddy. Memories of their relationship come back to him and it seems like he last saw her the day before.

"It's a hospital and I'm a doctor", he replies with a grin growing on his face and not removing his eyes from hers.

She looks at him blankly, billions of different feelings rushing at the same time into her.

He looks at her, first amused by her intense reaction then boggled by her silence.

She stays there looking at him for another thirty seconds while he waits for her to start talking or make a move.

Then without a word she turns on her heels to walk in the other direction, acting as if he never existed.

"Wait" he says grabbing her arms "we didn't see each other for two years and it's all you have to tell me?" He doesn't want to let go of her after just finding her back.

She looks at him in the eyes and still doesn't say a word.

He grows annoyed by her silence and the anger start to rush into his blood. He tightens his grasp on her and drags her in the closest exam room. She doesn't react and feels like a rag doll in his clasp.

He pulls her back on the wall and takes her head in his hands to force her to look at him. She timidly meets his glance and reads in it all the emotions that are confusing his mind at this very moment.

"You don't wanna know what happened during all this time", he offers her to make her talk.

She still doesn't give him a reply but he can see tears budding in the corner of her eyes.

He feels at the same time exasperate and stirred by her lack of reaction.

"Or if I thought about you during those years?" he tells without really hoping for an answer this time.

She can feels his breath tinkling her skin while he talks and it makes her quiver.

He senses her tremor and takes it as an answer to his implicit question. Still with her head in his hands, he inches his face to hers.

She first doesn't react when he puts his lips on hers, so he stops his next motion. He starts putting butterfly kisses, as they used to call them, around and on her mouth. It makes her literally melt in his arms. He senses it and makes his embrace tighter around her shaking body, and he puts his hands that where on her neck around her waist. And when she eventually feels his tongue sliding between his lips she can't fight it anymore and open her mouth too.

It makes him relaxes a little. First he has to lead her tongue but quickly she is carried away and they are soon as involved as possible in the kiss.

Taken away by the intensity of this kiss they both craved for years he leads her on the exam table to lay her on. She gets his idea and is yearning for it. But as he makes her sit on the table thoughts hurry back in her mind and she extricates herself of his grasp.

To woozy by his recent experience he doesn't react right away and when he feels well enough to speak she has already reached the door.

"You don't want to now how often I dreamed of this kiss" he murmurs to her.

She stops in her walk few seconds but doesn't turn around. Tears rolls on her cheeks as she exits the room.

He looks at her fading away and whispers more to him, now that she is out of earshot, "The answer is every night."

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**_Thank you to write a review it make me know if you like it or not and help me to keep going. :)_**


	12. Chapter 12

**_Sorry I didn't post for a long time I was busy with university. _**

When Lucas sees Meredith he can tell right away there is something wrong. Looking at her face he can sense something happened to her and left her disoriented. First he thinks about another quarrel with her mother, because every time she and her mother have a fight on the phone she always looks disturbed even if she hides it. But as she walks to him and he is able to observe her more properly he can sense it is something bigger.

While she advances toward him he sees her efforts to put a smile on her face. But he also sees how miserably she fails. And it makes a lump comes in his stomach.

She eventually reaches him and increases her attempts to look fine.

She smiles feebly in a last endeavor to reassure him and he smiles in reply to make her feel better even if he isn't dupe.

"Hey Meri! How was your day? I didn't have the chance to run into you in the hallways today." He says easing a grin on his face in a try to make her grin back. Usually he knows his way to make her smile even when she is sad.

But this time Meredith face turns red and she turns her gaze away, needing some time to recompose her figure.

Lucas observes her reaction and frowns his brows quizzically. "Meredith?"

"Yeah?" is all she can reply.

"What happened?" he asks concerned.

"Nothing" she quickly says defensively. "Everything is fine" she adds with a smile to reassure him, and herself by the way. "Let's go see this movie."

"Meredith. I can tell at your face there is something wrong. Just tell me what's bothering you?" he says seriously.

"It's not a big deal. I had a bad day."

She sees he is not buying it so she adds "We'll talk later. Let's just go see this movie and enjoy one of the rare evening when none of us is on call. Okay?"

"Okay" he replies not so sure but understanding that she doesn't want to talk in the lobby. "Preston and Cristina said they'll meet us there. They already left."

During the ride, Meredith stays silent, looking absently at the road with her eyes staring vaguely into space. Lucas recognizes this look and starts worrying about her real state. He never saw her this way except during her first days in the city when she was always looking kind of lost.

He knows she came here to escape someone but she never had wanted to tell him who and why. She said it was a page of her past that she had already turned and she didn't want to read it again. He had accepted thinking the day she will be ready to talk to him about it she would. It should be something important to make her move on the other side of the country. He knows there is no matter in forcing her talking but right now when he sees her face so pale and dejected he wishes he would know how to help her and he has a bad feeling it is related to her past.

"Meredith" he calls her to take her away from her trance.

She doesn't reply too lost in her own thoughts.

"Meredith" he calls again.

She finally emerges from her musing and turns her gaze to him. "Yes."

"You're not fine Meredith. I know this look and it's not a "fine" look. Please tell me, what's the matter?"

Meredith feels uncomfortable. Why does he always have to read in her this way? She recollects herself and calms down as much as she can before answering. "I just had a bad day with a difficult case that troubled me, but it's nothing to worry about."

Lucas knows she is lying but doesn't know what to do to make her share her worries with him. He just gives up, hoping she will change her mind. "You know you can tell me everything. You know that?"

"Yes, I do" she replies with a weak smile that is intended to reassure him, but it has the exact opposite effect.

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"Hey Mer! What happened?" Cristina asks when she sees Meredith and Lucas coming toward her and Preston.

"Nothing" she replies annoyed to be asked this question for at least the third time this evening.

"Oh! What did you do to her McBrainy?"

"Nothing" he replies.

"Is that the only word you can articulate tonight?"

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"What's going on? And don't answer nothing, you're not a good liar" Cristina says peremptorily when they find themselves alone in the toilets of the bar they went to after their film.

"I saw a ghost today that I wished I'd never have to see again in my life and now I feel so sad and empty that I have to struggle every second to not cry" she admits looking into Cristina eyes with despair as to ask her to save her from her freefall. As her face becomes more and more pale and miserable, her feet skip on the floor and she falls on it to end up sitting her back against the wall and her knees fold in her hands. "I hurt so much Cristina" she murmurs while she bursts into tears.

"You're not such a welling person usually and that's why I like you." She states as she sees her friends starting to cry "It must be something big."

She sits next to her, pats gently her back -the better mark of affection she can offer her- and asks concerned "What did this man do to you?"

"Nothing" she replies between sobs.

"So what's the reason of your tears?" she says matter of factly.

"Nothing" she mutters crying more silently now.

"Bad liar"

"I know"

**_Thank you for the comments :)_**


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith opens her eyes difficultly; they are so heavy that it asks her a lot of effort to keep them from closing again. And as she manages to do that, she can start to sense like a hammer hitting in her head; there is a dull noise that causes a spreading ache in her skull. She recovers slowly her mind and remembers the tequila, the cause of that headache. She rolls on her side to see if the spot next her is empty and it is. She takes a peak at the clock on the nightstand and sees it is already 11.47 am. She is not used to sleep so late even on her days off. She stops moving to listen to the sounds of her house and can hear Lucas working in the kitchen. She smiles lightly thinking about him cooking them a lunch. He really is a caring guy with her, though she doesn't feel like she deserves it now. Thinking about her previous day erases the smile that has been coming on her lips from her face and makes a line appear between her eyebrows.

She still cannot believe that she saw him and that she kissed him.

Why was he there? She doesn't know and doesn't want to find out. She just hopes today he will have disappeared like a nightmare does when you wake up, even though some memories last once it had passed. And she already knows those memories will last a long time. She only saw him few minutes; but she will remember those minutes like there were hours, recapping them over and over in her head.

While thinking she manages to stand up without to much pain and wanders to the kitchen to find Lucas singing as he makes her favorite gratin. He stops it to welcome her as he sees her coming.

"Hey you! I thought you'd never wake up" he says wrapping an arm around her as she passes near him to smell the food.

"I think I had too much tequila yesterday" she says sheepishly to him, making a face.

"Yes you did" he says placing a kiss in her hair and a mouthful of their future meal in her mouth. "How does it taste?"

"Wonderful. That's why I'm keeping you around here" she replies with a smile as she licks her lips in satisfaction.

Lucas pouts a little then sets a kiss on her mouth to clean it from the rest of food. "You should learn to eat properly" he says grinning, once he licked all the gravy that was still on the corner of her mouth.

"If I do, you won't do that anymore" she replies wryly.

"You're right I prefer you to stay dirty" he murmurs in her ear before making his lips travel back on hers to kiss her more deeply this time. She grins at his remark then follows the motions of his tongue with hers. They take advantage of their morning at home for few more minutes in the kitchen before Meredith leads them to their bedroom.

"We forget the curry, it must have burned now" Lucas says not really caring.

"Don't worry. I already ate" she says kissing him again "but I wouldn't mind a dessert" she whispers suggestively while letting her lips travel along the line of his jaw from his ear to his mouth.

He responds by taking her lips in his for a fiery kiss. He matches her eagerness for a moment then he parts to look at her concerned, he knows sex is another way of avoidance for her when there is a problem in her life. "Me neither, but before I'd like to talk to you" he says more gravely.

He takes her hands that are laying on his chest in his and proofs his eyes in hers before starting to speak.

"I don't wanna pressure you or make you feel worst Meredith. But I love you and I want you to be happy."

"I'm hap.." she replies hurriedly.

"Shush… Let me finish" he said putting his forefinger on her lips and giving her a small smile. "I love you and I want you to be happy. And that's why I wanna know what happened to you yesterday that you were so aloof from everyone and had the need to drown your sorrows in alcohol. You know you can talk to me." He finishes while keeping drawing patterns on the palm of her hand.

"I'm sorry about yesterday Lucas, I didn't intend to…" she starts obviously embarrassed by his question.

"Meri I don't want you to apologize, I want you to tell me what brought you down" he says bringing her back into his arms. "Yesterday I saw this look in your eyes, the one you used to have when we met. The one which says I'm lost and I don't know if I'll find my way home, and I don't even know if I want to find it. So, what I'm asking to you is to be sincere and tell me what is making you feel this way."

Once he finishes talking he looks at her expectantly prying her with his eyes to oblige his request.

"I don't know were to start Lucas. And I don't think you really want to know" she says looking in the space of the room for an answer to give him.

"I'm telling you, I want" he replies before kissing her hair and rubbing her back gently to show her his support.

"I saw a man, a man that I used to love" she lets out quickly of her mouth.

"Is it the one you came here to escape?" he asks guessing already the answer.

"Yes" she says merely.

"And what did he do?" he says after few seconds of silence.

"Nothing, I left without a word" she says biting her lower lip at her lie.

"And you know why he was in New York or at the hospital, is he sick or something" he says trying to act as breezy as possible.

"No he's a surgeon. I just hope he won't be there when I go back to work" she confesses.

Lucas is processing the information that Meredith had just giving him while an awkward silent sets in the room. He finally breaks it. "Do you still have feelings for him?" he asks her no really sure if he wants to knows the answer, but knowing pertinently he will wonder in his mind what would have been her answer a hundred time if he doesn't ask her.

"No" she replies hastily.

"You know, I ask you that because of your reaction. You don't usually get drunk because of a guy you don't care about"

"Lucas, it's you the one I love, okay. Derek is my past, a bad memory that I'd like to erase, that's all."

"Good because I love you too" he says taking her hand in his again and playing with the ring on her middle finger.

**_Please review if you want me to keep posting. Thanks_**


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith spends the next day looking carefully where she goes in the hope to avoid another encounter with Derek. She feels so stressed and tense that every unfamiliar noise makes her jump out of her skin. Actually her peers look at her strangely wondering if she is mentally sane, and to be truth she doesn't even know herself if she is.

"Hey Meri! You're eating lunch with me today?" Lucas asks her.

"Oh! Lucas you frighten me" she explains as she jumps and turns around to face him.

He takes a good look at her and raises an eyebrow suspiciously before asking her slightly amused "Why did you jump?"

"I was concentrated and you surprised me" she replies embarrassed.

He raises his eyebrow a bit upper waiting for her to keep talking. He knows in this kind of situation she always has a funny answer and he'd like to hear it.

"I didn't know it was you. Obviously if I knew it was you behind me I wouldn't have been scared, because… you're not scary" she rambles. "Of course you're not" she adds again making him smile "No, I was thinking about this patient that I have today who is a bit psycho and really freaked me out?"

"You have a lot of hard cases recently" he states calmly.

"Yeah I don't know what's happening in this city. Or maybe it's the world that is starting to go crazy and everyone is going crazy with it you see."

"Yes I see" he replies chuckling. "So this lunch?"

"Sure, we'll eat together" she adds flushing a little at her odd behavior.

"See you" he says with a grin before putting a smack on her lips and heading to his next surgery.

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Meredith is writing on a chart in an empty exam room when she freezes at the sense of a breath on the skin of her bare nape, feeling a shiver running along her spine. She doesn't allow herself to move an eyelash and lets him continue to smell her hair tied in a bun on the top of her head. He savors every inspiration he takes of her smell transported by the feeling of her proximity that he missed for so long. He watches intently as his expirations make hovering the strands of hair that have been dismissed from her hairdo.

They stay in this position for like a minute frighten to move and perturb their instable equilibrium. It only breaks when one of his breath, too intense, makes her quiver. He instinctively puts his hands on her shoulders and she trembles more at the feel of his touch, even through the layers of clothes she can senses him too well. She calms her down as she starts to get use to his touch. Actually she starts to even feel comfortable with his hands on her and her eyes gets to close. He senses her tension fading away and takes advantage of this moment to drop a kiss on the line where her hair starts to grow in the back of her neck. She inclines her head on her right side in satisfaction and lets out a sight from her mouth. He takes it as a go-ahead and drops more kisses while he raises his lips to her ear. She wobbles a little and lets out a moan this time. He gently makes her spin around and lowers his hands on her waist. She lightly flutters her eyes few times to finally open them and as she takes notice of him the expression on her face changes.

She detangles her from his arms and takes a pace backward, without moving her startled glare from his hypnotizing blue eyes.

He doesn't move and keeps pleading her with his eyes to not move away from him.

She maintains his gaze until she finds it too intense and turns her head away. He doesn't support it and takes a step closer to erase the distance between them.

"Meredith" he murmurs nearly in her ear "you can't always escape me."

She turns back her eyes on him, feeling so many contradicting emotions at the same time for the man that is standing in front of her. Sensing his presence so close to her, she would like to kiss him and forget all her issues in his arms. But something makes it impossible and makes her want to rush to the door and run away without looking back at him.

"Meredith" he pleads again "what happened between us?"

Right there she can see in his eyes pain and curses herself for bringing it there; she would give a lot to erase it from its place and replace it by a smile. She loves his smile. And as she remembers how a smile usually glows his face, a smirk appears on the corner of her own mouth.

Derek sees it and tilts his head on the left uncomprehending of what makes her smile, even so lightly.

She reads his confusion which is soon replaced by a better feeling that allows the lines of his face to relax and a smile of his own comes playing on his lips.

And despite her best efforts she cannot be indifferent to him. She just cannot do what she would like to do and act as if nothing special happened. She sees his smiles and feels herself weak on her knees like she used to feel when she lived in Seattle. And things end up the same way they used to.

Lucas enters the room and is taken aback by the sight offered to his eyes. His girlfriend is in the arms of a stranger, kissing him feverishly. They are so involved in their business that they didn't even hear him open the door. And now he is standing there looking at them fooling around. He is so astonished that it takes him few seconds to be able to move a muscle again and when he does he lets out a light sound from his lips "Meredith".

She automatically pulls apart from Derek and lays her eyes on Lucas. He is looking at her blankly, seeking any kind of explication that would not make him feel so devastated. But he founds none.

When he finally feels able to move his body again he takes few steps toward the two of them and settles his fist in Derek's face, causing him to let go entirely of Meredith that he was still holding loosely by the waist.

Meredith shivers at the glance he grants her before he turns around and leaves the room. She knows how much she hurt him and feels remorse rising in her. Then she looks at Derek who is holding his jaw. She decides to follow Lucas.

Derek sees Meredith starting to walk away from him and in a last attempt he grabs her arms.

"You can't leave me again"

"I'm sorry, I'm…"

"Yeah" he says lowering his eyes to her hand that he has taken in his "I saw it". He meets her eyes again and mutters "I just chose to ignore it."

"I'm sorry. I can't"

Then she dashes to the door and sprints in the hallway to catch up to Lucas.

**Let me know if I should post the rest. R&R please :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for reading this fiction and for taking time to comment, it means a lot to me. I really appreciate your reviews, they made my day. Since you like it I'm posting another chapter that I hope you'll like too.**

"I'm so sorry" she says panting as she finally reaches him at the corner of the hallway before he has the chance to take the elevator.

He turns around at the sound of her voice to face her. "For what?" he asks raising his eyebrows ironically, "for you cheating on me or for me walking on you before you get the chance to follow through".

"I'm so sorry" she repeats flatly looking at the floor "I shouldn't have done this."

"Yes, you shouldn't" he says growing more and more angry at her by seconds. He doesn't get how the woman he loves has been able to relax in someone else's arms and kiss someone else's lips and maybe more if he hadn't open this damn door. As his thoughts go on he wonders if he hadn't prefer to never open this door and ignore all of this. But no, ignorance is maybe bliss for some people but not for him. If he has to give his heart to someone he would rather know if this person is worth it.

"There's not excuse I know it" she adds fidgeting and not allowing herself to look him in the eyes knowing the rage she will read in them.

"I agree, no excuse" he says looking at her with fire in the eyes.

"But I'm really really sorry Lucas" she begs him still looking at the floor. "I want to make up for my mistake. I would do anything to make you forgive me."

Lucas turns his glare away from her before opening his mouth hesitantly, "was it him?"

She lowers her head again, swallows her saliva painfully and replies sheepishly, "yes".

"Just leave me alone", he utters between his teeth. Then he continues his walk to the elevator.

At the same time Cristina happens to cross the same hallway but in the opposite way and she runs into a more than pissed off Lucas before meeting a miserable Meredith.

"What did you do to him?" she asks more to make fun of him than because she wants to know what made him so angry.

At her question Meredith flushes violently which makes one of Cristina's eyebrow raise. "Maybe there's something juicy behind it" she thinks. "So, slit it out."

"There's nothing to tell. We just had … a fight" she articulates slowly.

"Judging by his face I would say a pretty big one", she quips raising her eyebrow a little bit upper.

"Yeah. I did something wrong" Meredith says starting to think that she should as well tell Cristina what happened, knowing how quickly gossips spread in the hospital. "I kissed someone else" she lets out of her mouth while fidgeting and twisting the hem of her scrub with her fingers.

"You what?"

"And he walked on us" she adds not really proud of her.

"Poor McBrainy" she exclaims "he must be pretty shocked." Then she comes closer to her friend and adds in a lower voice with a smirk playing on her lips. "But tell me, who did you kiss? This guy must be damn hot for you to forget about McBrainy."

At this very moment Derek passes by them. He had spot Meredith and hoped he could talk her out of making another mistake. While he approaches the two women he smiles at Cristina, who watches the scene occurring in front of her very amused, then turns to Meredith, who is flushing again. He puts his hand on her arm and she jumps to the sensation of his warmth on her. She extirpates her arm from his grasp and sticks it to her body, looking right and left to make sure no one is staring at them.

"We need to talk about what happened, Meri. I don't want it to end this way… again", he tells her looking deep in her grey eyes that try desperately to look at everything around but him. She knows if she locks her eyes in his she will melt and doesn't want it to occur.

He tries to reach her one more time but, at the second he settles his hand on her again and before he can say another word, she cuts him off with a "not now please" then grabs and drags Cristina with her into the nearest on-call room.

"Interesting" Cristina says with a smirk once Meredith has closed the door to preserve what remains her of privacy.

"It's not interesting Cristina, it's complicated."

"Okay, then explain it" she says crossing her arms on her chest interested to hear what her friend has to say about this guy who nearly pinned her on the wall of the hallway and kissed her in front of the entire hospital.

"It's gonna be long you'd better take a seat" she says while walking to sit on one of the bed.

Meredith spends the next half hour enlightening Cristina on her story with Derek, or at least on what she wants to tell her.

Finally Cristina concludes, "so if I get it straight, it's a habit for you to cheat on your fiancés with McDreamy."

"McWhat?" she chuckles, to Derek's new found nickname, before she gets to process the whole sentence in her head. "Cristina! It's not so simple."

"To me, it pretty is. You two are pinning for each other but you're too cowardly to admit the truth."

"Maybe you didn't get the whole story" she replies "should I explain it to you again."

"No thanks, it's so clear that it's transparent", she states. "You love him."

"Seriously, you should stick with the sarcasms, it suits you better" she says.

Then she stands up and exits the room without looking back at Cristina whose jaw is now dropping. She certainly knows Meredith does not like to talk about feelings, and that is why she is good friend with her, but she is not used to her reacting so snappishly.

Meredith exits the room angry. She is angry against Cristina for talking her this way, she is angry against Derek for making her caved like that and more than all she is angry against herself for what she did today.

Hopefully the end of her shift is finally arrived. She hurries to her locker to change and take her handbag. She takes advantage of this moment of loneliness to gather her minds and analyses the events of the day before going home and confronting Lucas. For a moment she thinks about heading to the bar and drowning her sorrows in the tequila, but she finds the force to resist the temptation. If she wants to save it with Lucas, she has to go home and talk to him even if she shivers yet at the idea of what kind of conversation they will have.

She painfully stands up from the bench to put herself on her unreliable feet and shambles to the elevator.

The doors open and she finds herself in front of the person she is frighten to see. Her heart starts bumping very fast and her face turns red for at least the fourth time today. He reads her fear in her eyes and gives her a reassuring smile. She reacts quickly by turning around and heading to the stairs.

Eventually, she steps out the hospital without having a panic attack and finds her way home.

**Please leave a comment, good or bad, they're all welcomed.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you a lot for the reviews, I love them and they tell me if I should keep writing. Because, just so you know, I'm really insecure when I'm writing so sometimes I'm pleased with what I wrote and some other times I'm wondering if this story is any good and it is worth being continued. Anyway, here is the next part that I hope you will like. If I have some good feedback I may write the next chapter tomorrow. ****Enjoy, or not, but tell me. **

Once in the front door of her apartment she hesitates several minutes before turning her keys in the lock. She guesses what she will find behind it and would give anything to avoid this confrontation. But eventually, she decides she should act maturely and opens the door.

Lucas is seating on the couch, his head in his hand so she can't see his face. She takes a step into the living room and he doesn't move. So, she decides to take a seat next to him. As she sits, he takes off his head of his hands and raises it to look in her eyes. She can't maintain his penetrating gaze and lowers her eyes to the carpet.

"Look me in the eyes Meredith", he asks her quietly.

She obeys difficultly, feeling as she owes him that.

"What happened? What made you drown away from me?" he asks needy of an explication.

She doesn't know what kind of answer she could give him and racks her brains for something not to stupid to say. But she doesn't find it so she finally says to his pleading eyes "I don't know Lucas."

"That's it. You don't know? You don't know why you kissed him?" he says growing angry again. "Do you actually care about us?" he exclaims.

"Of course I do! I still wanna marry you! I just make a big mistake that I can promise I won't do ever again."

"But what would have happened if I did have open this door? Tell me honestly what would have happened" he yells glaring at her.

To that sentence she feels awkward and bits her lower lips before talking. "Nothing, I promise. You're the one."

"Can I believe you?" he asks quietly, relaxing a bit.

"Sure you can" she reassures him, stepping closer to him.

"I don't wanna lose you" he murmurs before leaning into her to kiss her. He isn't sure if he should believe her but he decides to trust her, hoping she will keep her promise. But he can't help wondering why this guy is in the city and how long he is going to stay hovering around his fiancé.

"It won't happen" she mutters before meeting his lips.

As her tongue keeps moving with his in his mouth, her mind runs away to the past events of the day. She nearly threw away what she shares with Lucas for what, a fantasy of hers that she should forget about. Why was Derek still making her weak on her knees after all those years and despite what happened?

They share a kiss for a moment then make their way quietly to their bedroom, not hungry but only exhausted by this stressing day, avoiding talking to each other anymore. They feel asleep in each other arms slowly, after a long moment spent thinking about the future of their relationship.

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When she wakes Meredith finds Lucas still asleep his arms still wrapped around her. She extirpates of them trying her best to not wake him up. She shifts to the kitchen, grabs some bread to make her a toast and turns on the coffee maker. Then she goes to the bathroom and takes a five minutes shower. When she emerges, clean and wet in her robe, she takes a mug and fill it with the hot beverage and starts to sip it as she manages to put some butter on her toast. She quickly ingurgitates her breakfast then goes back in their bedroom to put on some clothes. Once she did, she grabs her bag and her keys and hurry toward the door already late for her pre-round.

She hopes this day reserves her better things than the one before. She doesn't know if she could go through what she did yesterday again, and by that she means she doesn't know if she could bear another encounter with Derek. The worst is she doesn't even know why he was there and hopes today he will have vanished. If she could she would have taken her day off but she is only an intern and interns don't take their day off or call sick. While thinking about how much her life sucks, she finally enters the hospital fortunately right on time for starting her shift.

As she passes her locker's door, she bumps into a short woman who gives her a dark look.

"Grey, you're nearly late", she greets her.

"Sorry, it won't happen again", she replies.

"You'd better make sure of that", she warns her, narrowing her eyes.

Meredith nods and quickly reaches her locker to take her scrubs from it and change as fast as she can. While she finishes putting on her top scrubs, George reaches the door, running, to face an irritated Bailey.

"Do you think coming on time is optional you all suck ups or did you decided to piss me off only today", she asks to an uncomfortable George.

"Sorry", he stutters quietly.

"I don't care if you're sorry and the patients that are waiting for you neither, so hurry your ass in there and get changed. I need doctors not apology."

George obeys quickly, trying to make her forget him but she doesn't.

"O'Malley you're on the pit today, it will teach you to be on time. Grey, don't think I forget you. If tomorrow you're not in scrubs and lab coat waiting for me at 5.00 o'clock on the dot, I'll make sure you spend the week out of the OR." She gives her a glare and then turns towards the other interns. "Yang, you're with Burke, he requested you. Steven, you're in OB/GYN today. Karev, you come with me. And you Grey" she whistles, turning again toward her, "I don't know what you did but the big Dr Shepherd who's only here for few days for a special surgery requested you. You'd better reflect on me well." With that she spins around and yells "Go" at them. They automatically disperse in different directions.

"Hi" he salutes her. "We're gonna save a life together today. It reminds me good old memories" he says grinning broadly.

"You requested me" she states making it sound like a question.

"Yes, I did" he simply replies, his smile growing larger, if it is possible.

"Why can't you leave me alone, Derek", she utters with a shaking voice.

He decides to ignore this last comment and only reply "enter the room with me I'm gonna present you the patient of the surgery you'll scrub in today."

She follows him helplessly wondering what could be worst than having to work with him.


	17. Chapter 17

**I wish you all a merry Christmas! May it bring you lots of joy and happiness! **

**Thank you for the reviews. I hope this chapter will please you. I'm already working on the next one.**

**Love**

"It Chrismas today, be nice" an enthusiastic Izzie says to an angry Cristina who is yelling at a poor seventy-year-old lady, who is bloking her way to the elevator because she is desperately looking for her husband. He has been hospitalised in the hospital but she doesn't know in which room he is, so she keeps asking to everyone who is passing along the hallway if they saw the man in the picture.

"Shut up Blondie! If she wants information she should ask the nurses, they haven't better to do. But us, surgeons, have some serious work to do. How does she think her husband is gonna get better if she doesn't let the doctors work. Seriously!"

With that Cristina pushes a little the shoulder of the old woman to clear herself a way to enter the elevator, Izzie following her.

"Someday, you should really learn what compassion is" she tells her lightly shocked by her behaviour.

"Compassion is to cut open people to save her damn hubby's life, and if you don't agree I don't care. So, stop following me and go babysit her if you ratter be "compassious" than a surgeon."

Izzie mouth drops at her comment. She doesn't know what she could possibly add, so she chooses to shut up and keeps her remarks to herself. After all, what could she says that may make Cristina changes her mind? Nothing.

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"Woo" says Meredith when she sees Cristina walking to her with a scowl worse than usual "what the matter with you today?"

"Burke wanna actually celebrate Christmas and make me meet his family! His family" she says with a panicked look.

"Are you telling me that you never met his family since you're with him?"

"On what side are you?" she exclaims narrowing her eyes. "No matter what he says, I'm not doing this! I saw his mother once and it was well enough for me. She is one of those crazy women who think her son is the reincarnation of Jesus or something that kind. How could he seriously want me do spend an entire evening with them!"

"Maybe you're overreacting", Meredith ventures creasing her nose.

Cristina gives her a dark glare in response. She gets the hint and she changes the topic.

"My mother is in town to spend Christmas with Lucas and I", she states.

Cristina smiles slyly before adding "so you're gonna have you share of rejoicing too."

"I guess so", she says flatly.

At this moment Derek walks toward them and leans on her to whispers in her ear "I have a present for you."

She turns her gaze to meet his malicious twinkling blue eyes. A little smile creeps to the corner of his mouth then he adds, "meet me on the fourth floor in the conference room in ten minutes".

She stays there, astonished and unable to articulate an answer. Cristina, who was studying Derek's features while he was talking to her, turns toward her friend with the same malicious grin that Derek left with and asks her "So, you're gonna go get your present?"

Meredith blushes and quickly answers with the negative.

"You're not even curious of what could it be?" she asks raising suspiciously an eyebrow, doubting her friend's future behaviour.

"No, I'm not. I have Lucas."

"Oh!", she says simply, grinning.

"What?", she asks annoyed.

"You're craving to meet him, it's so easy to see that. But, you're fearing McBrainy's reaction when he'll learn McDreamy gave you a McGift." She laughs lightly then adds "I never thought of you as the kind of woman who obeys. I may be wrong after all."

Then she turns her heal and leave Meredith standing in the hallway wondering if she should go.

He has been in the hospital for 2 weeks now and nothing else happened between them. He had been nothing more than cordial with her even if he had requested her every day, his excuse being she has started the difficult case he was here for with him so she should be the one following it. Lucas had been pissed off, but unable to act against it. He was a doctor too and knew he couldn't ask her to give up this case; you don't have the chance to participate to a humpy-dumpy surgery every day.

And now, she is walking like an automat to the elevator, pushing a button, and riding it toward the fourth floor. She doesn't know why she is going. Actually, she had stopped thinking when he has breathed in her ear few seconds ago.

She arrives in front a the conference room to find it empty. She turns her head, right and left, to see if he is coming any time soon, but doesn't see him. She walks into the empty room and take a seat on one of the leather chair, enjoying some rest in the middle of her busy day. Christmas' eve is always a particularly active day in the hospital because people tend to take more risks this day of the year and because there is always the minimum staff in here.

She doesn't care to work today. Ambiance at home is still a bit tense with Lucas, and she would rather be here, doing her job, than at home coping with the results of her mistake. She has left him this morning with her mother wondering what they will do of their day off. Strangely, Lucas and Ellis are getting along. She admires him as the great doctor he is, and likewise. Plus, they have some other mutual interests, like theatre or jazz.

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